I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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