I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
