this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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