Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Green mimosas i think yes
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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