How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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