I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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