Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
