it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
