This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
