Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
