somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
