Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
her vagine was all disorganized.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
