I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
worst night to have a conscience
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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