Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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