I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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