well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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