lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
