SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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