my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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