First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's just like the Real World with babies
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
