I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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