I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
