my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize