You're so nebulous sometimes
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
