I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
