i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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