8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
time to smoke my breakfast
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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