I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Do vagina's smell?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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