i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
