you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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