I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
