i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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