We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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