the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
