she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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