Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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