He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
