Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
