I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
