i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
