according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
