Having a random hookup so left but love u
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
