I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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