i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
