We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
