Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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