It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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