My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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