i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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