i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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