Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
