"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
