I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize