Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
