After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
