I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
its liver damage thursday
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
