Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
