you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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