I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
