So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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