just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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