new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
