but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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