Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
