If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize