Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
