hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
