i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
