so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
