two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
is it fun? or sober?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
