remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
