worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize