We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
