Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
