I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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