Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I die, sorry about rent.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize