What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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