I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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