D3 body, D1 cock
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
