Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
