I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
