I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
