He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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