oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
